A holiday season + Greetings!

Hallo allemaal,

Last post for this year, so evidently I'll be wishing you all a very merry christmas, the good luck for you New year's resolutions and the best for the 2nd decade of the 21t century. (According to the christian calendar ofcourse.) But there's some other stuff I want to write about, thoughts and contemplations.

1,5 year have past since I left the Netherlands, a decision I have not regretted for a single minute thusfar. I told you all about the job I do and parts of the life I live. Daily routines involve, waking up, taking a piss, getting out of bed and wondering why I keep forgetting to get out of bed first. Going to work, answering calls from customers, picking my nose, browsing the web. Or during the summer holidays, answering calls, answering calls and answering more calls. Already the Summer period bothered me, but due to these thoughts, the works monotony and the feeling of running around instead of following my own way. I rarely feel satisfied, not even outside the work environment. Instead I sit around the house and stare at another computer screen. very much like the ones at work. Motivational issues cause slips and bad decisions ar work, which in turn lead to aggitation with the superiors. It's all minor things but recently the have piled up a little. Work has been good to me and I have a few pennies saved. So the urge to just quit and do something else is pressing under the surface. And the cirle is round again, because my motivation will not get any better without a proper perspective.

So why do I stay? Motivation has always been my nemesis. During my school, during jobs, during my periods between jobs. I only motivate myself for a walkabout in Cantha, or when I write. But from my posting history and GW sleepytime, it is clearly visible that I'm not motivated very often. I've given myself another 1,5 year before returning to the Netherlands and start studying. Signlanguage Sciences, I made this choice and I'll force myself to persue it. (woohoo motivation) But how to spend the remaining period? Well I guess I can get through another few months of work, which in turn will add to the savings I have. With that money I should be able to get out of the way of work for a while before starting a student's life. It's no solution to my problems, but it is a lifeline of sorts. Holding on right now, will eventually help me to pull myself from the maelstrom like vicious circle that's dragging me down.

Self reflection, that contagious disease that contaminates anyone with too much time on their hands. Espacially around this time of year.

Jelmer/Lyon/contemplative
P.S. I gave you my best wishes on the top of this message